To Quit or Not to Quit?

and why is it so hard?

My counsellor has advised me that it is ok to quit, and that indeed not only should I quit, but that quitting is highly under-rated.

For me it a question of whether or not to try to complete some study. I have spent a small fortune (house deposit) and worked my butt off under difficult circumstances to get as far as I have. I am actually already quitting as I'm trying to exit with a Post Grad Dip rather than complete the Masters, which I sadly have acquiesced will never happen in this lifetime as I do not have the support or time required. So the question is whether it is worth busting my chops to try and complete more subjects to get the Post Grad Dip, or just walk away and have more time for me generally to get my life in order and look after myself a bit, and be the best mother I can be.

What is it about quitting that is so abhorrent to me?

Is it cultural or personal, or a combination of both? What drives us to want to achieve things and why is it so hard to simply quit and walk away? I think in part it is that Aussie fighting spirit. We are not quitters in this country. We battle on through droughts and bushfires, and the hardships of the early settlers, and in fighting for rights for our First Nation peoples. We have sporting grit and tenacity and we have highly talented actors and musicians who are successful on the global stage also. We are fighters by culture and nature. We tell our kids to have a go. We tell them if you want to do this sport/ music/ activity you need to give it a go. You need to work at it, you cant just walk away without giving it a good crack. Then if its not for you, that's ok. But you don't just quit the minute things get hard.

But is this the right attitude?

Is this healthy? Why do we beat ourselves up for walking away? Do we beat ourselves up? Are we judged and criticized by others for walking away? Do we perceive that we are judged by others for walking away? How do we even know when it is time to walk way?

Is it that I want that sense of pride: look what I have achieved. Or do I subconsciously hanker for the admiration of others: look what she achieved; I don't know how she does it; how can a single mum of 3 challenging kids manage to undertake Post Graduate study...?

Is it about the personal achievement, the gaining of knowledge, or is it about appearances? And if it is about appearances, what does that say about our society? That we value those appearances more than we value our own health and family lives and relationships?

My rational brain can argue this many ways: reasons to stick it out, and reasons to quit. Do I strive for something that will give me great sense of personal achievement now, (but may not result in any lifelong or career change), or ditch that to focus on a long term goal - of being healthy, and emotionally and time available for my children, for which I will not get instant gratification, but hopefully (its not guaranteed either) reward in years to come of being able to look back and know I did my best. And also hopefully having children who love and respect me and with whom I have a good relationship as I put the effort in now? This, my counsellor assures me, is the benefit and outcome of quitting what is not necessary right now, and focusing on what is achievable. How do I weigh the balance here? There is no right or wrong. But allowing myself the option of quitting is one I had not previously considered. Its not part of my make up.

When to walk away

I'm sure some wise business people have advised its important to know when to walk away,

as did Kenny Rogers advise us in The Gambler.

And so did I know when to walk away I when I left my marriage. I quit that. I was very happy to quit that. And I saw that as being a strong move. And I have had people tell me I am brave and strong in making that decision. This is interesting, as is it quitting or is it moving forward when circumstances change? Perhaps that is what quitting is?

Perhaps its time to re-evaluate the notion of quitting. We encourage others to quit smoking - there's a very good reason for quitting. Or drugs. And leaving toxic relationships - be they friends or partners or family, or dodgy jobs.

Yes person

Several years ago I read something about being a 'yes' person, in the sense of saying yes to opportunities, rather than automatically saying 'no', 'that's not my thing', or 'I couldn't make that work', or 'its too hard'. It was about just being open to the possibility of trying new things or changing the way you do things. I thought this was an excellent idea, and I have tried to adopt it. I have said 'yes' to more social things than I would have previously. I have put my hand up to do community service roles, I have started playing guitar again, and I have undertaken this study. I cant say I always say yes, or that things always work out, but I do feel more positive opening myself up to the opportunities and possibilities. There is a positive in and of that, even without an outcome. Its a state of mind rather than a commitment. Perhaps quitting is a similar undertaking? Being open to the possibility of quitting. Allowing it to be an option, and an acceptable option?

The middle path

I think at this point my decision will be to take the middle path, the undecided path, the fence sitter path that I generally have. I will give it 3 weeks until census date and if its going well I will commit, if I'm drowning in the workload and inability to understand my arch nemesis "the numbers", I will quit. I will walk away. This is after all my third attempt at this subject. It has beaten me twice, partly because of the content and partly because life was too hard at this time. Its a lot like Umberto Eco's the Name of the Rose. One of the books most picked up and never completed. And certainly that way for me. I think I have had at least 3 if not 4 attempts at it and failed. Or perhaps its not failure, its quitting, its proudly walking away and saying: "I have better things to do.."?